If my life had lyrics it would go like this...

Look at this stuff

Isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?

Wouldn't you think I'm the girl

The girl who has everything?

Look at this trove

Treasures untold

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

Looking around here you think

Sure, she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty

I've got whozits and whatzits galore

You want thingamabobs?

I've got twenty!

But who cares?

No big deal

I want more!!

In my attempts to prove crafty and skilled, I wander around sewing/crafting/bead/what-have-you stores with the best of intentions (for clarity's sake, those intentions are to eventually complete a project).  While I may walk away without any definitive plans, I rarely walk away without something.  Be it sparkly hot glue sticks, buttons, or cute trim, if I see it and it can be paid for with the spare change in my bag, it ends up coming home with me

Because I never really have a plan for these things, I've amassed a giant notions pile.  And by pile I mean general collection of things strewn about so that it hides the color of my floor (See! My slovenly nature is not just a product of my laziness, but is artfully constructed to hide the hideous floor-to-floor red carpeting that envelops my room).

Undeterred, I continue to collect and collect and collect things that I want to turn into something beautiful, but never do.  And high on that list is Nikki Lee's hand dyed lace. 

photo via Nikki Lee

It is gorgeous and goodness, am I jealous.  Imagine, a woman who loves her craft enough (and is motivated enough) to take her hobby and turn it into a small business.  She is worlds away from my lazy bum.  She just opened an etsy shop and has a giveaway on her blog, both of which will be very dangerous for me.

Oh these women!  Draining my laundry money and making me feel altogether unproductive. (Ok that last one might be me projecting but still!)

My 4 Step Program to Summer Shorts

Again, I am plagued with a fabulous idea that I will never, ever complete.  Despite the noreaster of biblical proportions flooding the northeast right now, I can't get enough of spring shorts.  They are everywhere; sitting on perfectly tapered mannequins' waists, showing off sculpted fiberglass thighs, reminding me I haven't the sinewy legs to show off these shorts yet.  Sparkly linen! Floral patterns! Highwaisted beautiful, beautiful shorts! Shorts I absolutely adore and absolutely cannot afford.  50 plus dollars is about 40 dollars over my budget.

So, crafty me gets thinking and decides I can make my own shorts, nevermind I've never successfully made a garment from scratch before.  So then lazy me rolls over and says, well I can just upcycle a pair from the thrift store.  Sewing-blog-addicted me gets busy and finds these dolls!!

Lily from The House of Mirth, has made another must-have addition to my fantasy wardrobe.  These shorts with the scallop hem and lace detail make my toes wiggle from cute overload.  All she did was buy a pair of men's business pants, make a few snips, add a few stiches and BAM, she proves herself more skilled than I will ever be motivated to become.

But the shorts I really want to go crazy with are these.

photo via outsapop

Now these aren't actually DIY shorts - they are from a Ray Ban ad - but how easy would it be to

1. 
   
   run to the thrift store
2. 
   
   buy a white pair of capris/pants/whatever
3. 
   
   cut them into shorts and roll the cuff
4. 
   
   channel Mr. Pollock and splatter with paint/ink (or kool-aid if you're working on my budget)

There you go, 4 easy steps to making great summer shorts.  But will I do it? Probably not. No.

Chuckles

I've been thinking more and more that one thing I would love to do is design/build my future, hypothetical home for my future/hypothetical family. (I'd hate to get halfway into building a house and drop it like I do everything else.  So perhaps I'll just be cautious and not start at all.  Better no house than half a house.) And I very much love modern architecture and design, but sometimes it gets too far away from comfy and livable.  Some examples of it are too close to 'my house is empty and sterile, just like my life.'

So in my search for passable modern homes I ran across Unhappy Hipsters.  I love it!  They take pictures from Dwell Magazine and recaption them to show how absolutely over the top modern homes have become.

"Sure she was watering a street tree during a statewide drought.  But the gate was made of recycled street signs.  Carbon footprint: neutral."

Read on...

Official Craft List Part 1

Because I get so easily distracted, I've been thinking for a while about trying to make a list of crafts I want to focus on. I'm hoping that by putting it in writing I will force myself whittle down my list to the naked basics.

I am introducing my Official Craft List.  The projects that will appear on this list will have gone through a rigorous screening process, multiple rounds of interviews, and a physical strength evaluation even the Governator would fail.

First on my Official Craft list is... read on

Saboteurs, all of them

I will forever refuse to take the blame for any unfinished/never-started projects.  I can't help it if I get distracted!  I spend all day looking at sewing blogs and without fail I always find something that looks more entertaining and pretty than the project I currently have in mind. 

So, without hesitation, I blame all the other women with ridiculously good looking projects and user friendly tutorials for my inability to start a project.  How am I supposed to work when they are constantly throwing new and better ideas at me?  One can hardly blame me.

One of the women I hold most responsible is Alexis from Made By Lex.  Truly, she must really have it out for me.  She's constantly ruining any hope I have of starting a new project.  Without any visible effort, she throws up a new tutorial of an Anthropologie inspired shirt and makes it look so easy that I have no choice but to drop the pathetic shirt I was planning on making on its butt and adopt her idea.

 Sneaky, sneaky woman. 

And just when I start to get my act together to start on her shirt, she drops these gorgeous DIY Valentino heels on me! 

Honestly! How am I supposed to get any work done when she keeps doing this to me!?  What did I ever do to her to deserve this treatment?  A small corner of my heart starts to cry; but then I see this outlandishly good-looking (and ludicrously easy) Ruffle Clutch and all is made well again.

Until women like her stop sabotaging my creative process, I'll hardly ever be able to create something to show off.  That, or I find a job that actually keeps me busy all day so I can't read sewing blogs all day.